Sleep. Haven’t been getting much of it lately. About 3 months ago, I cashed out some poker money and bought a fully-equipped MacBook Pro. Complete with so many goodies that can keep you staring a screen for hours on end throughout the night after staring at a screen for hours on end throughout the day.
Maybe not the best idea for a guy who’s been online since the days of Prodigy and Compuserve. Also, it reinvigorated my love for Macs which I used for 3 years and was heartbroken when I had to give it up (it was a work computer).
I’m usually awake till about 3 or 4 am most nights just messing around doing random things while most people are on the 3rd dream. The combination of my fascination with all things Internets related and the explosion of media being readily available online (damn you Icefilms.info!) have lead to many a sleepless nights for me lately.
People usually ask me, “What the hell are you doing the whole time?” And each time I get asked I give a different answer. While the Internet is constantly evolving I am trying evolve with it. I might be watching a TV show I’m trying to get into or a movie that just came out, listening to a podcast (that’s a radio show for the Internet for the uninitiated), playing online poker, or just browsing through the plethora of blogs, forums and other websites reading up on whatever piques my interest that day. I’ve stayed up for hours reading Mark Cuban’s blog about success in business, web media and the Dallas Mavericks and also stayed up for hours trying to get through an entire season of The Wire in one night as a personal challenge to myself.
Now, I realize I’m no spring chicken anymore. I don’t consider myself old by any stretch but I can see certain changes happening to my body that I know are just the beginning. And I know that sleep can help prevent the growth of these changes or at least stop them temporarily for a couple of years. My problem is that I (usually) enjoy what I’m doing when I’m online or I wouldn’t be doing it. I once asked a friend whose opinion I value this: I contended that all the time I spend online is justified because it is what I truly enjoy. As opposed what society and our religion (Orthodox Judaism) deems are valid activities. She told me to “get real”, in so many words. I didn’t really know what to think about that. She’s more of a cut and dry person and I’m more a shades of gray type. I thought, “If all the time I spend can be useful in making my life better for myself and eventually a family, then I don’t care what people think.”
But has watching TV or researching fantasy sports or playing poker helped my life in any way? Right now, I can’t answer that. I’m in the midst of a frustrating job search in which I’m trying to use my passions as a springboard for a career and so far have not had success.
But I have to be honest with myself. Have I tried my best? Or have my sleepless nights caused my lazy days? I see a cycle I’m having trouble breaking. Or maybe one I just don’t want to break?